1d12 Classified Ads


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Back in my article about faking combat I mentioned that I’d made a jobs board for my players one week when the whole party weren’t going to be there and I felt like running a fun side quest. At the time I wrote that post I could only find one photo of the jobs board, and I couldn’t remember exactly what was on it. Since then, though, I’ve found all the adverts I used.

So, as it’s Wednesday, I thought I’d offer them to you. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I give you…1d12 random jobs I used in a game once, and some new ones, to fill a jobs board or something1:

    1. WANTED: 2 – 4 strapping young lads to explore caverns. May be inhabited by spiky things. Bring own weapons. Pay is 75 gold each per day. SPEAK TO ANY DWARF. No time wasters.
    2. [Written in crayon, or the equivalent if your world doesn’t contain Crayola] WanteD. bRave and Tastey Foolish Brave adventurers to go to tHe Cave of sertan death Cuddles and be eaten kilL monsters. speak to Joe.
    3. WANTED. Someone to travel to another realm with me. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. You’ll get paid when we get back. Must bring your own weapons. SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED. (I have only done this once before)2.
    4. [Obviously written by somebody not entirely at ease with the local language.] Hello I am Prince from distant land. I need get home but I have no money. I very rich and important in home land. You pay me get home. I reward you 1,000,000 gold later. Speak to Jarnad.
    5. Wanted: Someone to watch over my body while I sleep. Wake me if I burst into flames. Must provide own gloves, bucket, and weapons. – Aldack
    6. MISSING: Small white feline, answers to ‘Mr Tinkles’. DANGEROUS. May represent himself as a kidnapped noble from a distant land. If found please return to Rodley’s tower in the north pass. (Also, beware the squirrels. They lie).
    7. Have you seen my hand? If found please return to Reynauld at the smithy. Reward if none of the fingers are sticky.
    8. Seeking someone who knows their clocks. I have a clock problem that I can’t solve. Please hurry; time is literally running out on me. – Humfin
    9. ARE YOU DOING YOUR PART TO STOP THE SPREAD OF EVIL? We are now seeking pious, righteous folks who enjoy delivering a good skull-kicking to help stamp out the demon scourge in the south ONCE AND FOR ALL! Make new friends, carry pointy sticks, see the world! Sign up now at your nearest recruitment office, and gods be praised!
    10. Hate kids? ME TOO! Come see me and we can talk about a brood problem I’m having. Bring sharp things, and something silver. – Brother Josesan Philar, 7th Level Laser Lotus
    11. I am being framed for a crime I didn’t commit. Please help. Ask at the gaol for the man who won’t stop crying. – Tannis
    12. .ɘqɒɔƨɘ ƚ’nɒɔ bnɒ ɿoɿɿim ɒ ni bɘqqɒɿƚ mɒ I – qlɘʜ ɘƨɒɘlꟼ
      ɘɔilA – .ɘldɒiƚoǫɘn bɿɒwɘЯ .ɘʇil ym ɿoʇ ɿɒɘʇ I bnɒ luʇwɒ ƚƨuႱ ɘɿɒ ɘɿɘʜ ɘlqoɘq ɘʜT3

Most of these are meant to be silly, to discourage your players from picking them and allowing you to focus your prep on one or two of them. That said, see the story I linked above – sometimes they’ll pick the most ridiculous thing you offer them, and it will be awesome.
If you didn’t spot that, it’s a rewrite of the wanted ad in Saftey Not Guaranteed. I can’t take any credit for it myself.
Just in case that doesn’t show up properly, here’s what it says when it isn’t mirrored: “Please help – I am trapped in a mirror and can’t escape. The people here are just awful and I fear for my life. Reward negotiable. – Alice”


Don’t forget to vote on which Mapvember maps I turn into bigger adventures.

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